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Holy smokes, Batman! Put out the Fukken fire!

Japanese male readers eagerly awaiting the February 15 sales launch of a magazine named G-Za Besto Dynamite from KK Bestsellers will have to bite the bullet a little longer.

Certainly many publications appeal to real jerks, but Dynamite was about to stake claim as the world’s first magazine to incorporate its own onna hooru (synthetic vagina) and allow readers to peruse the lurid contents hands-on, so to speak.

The reason for the delay, reports Weekly Playboy (March 8), was that the entire consignment of 50,000 went up in smoke when a fire erupted in the factory in China’s Fujian Province.

Fujian is pronounced “Fukken” in Japanese; but rather than invoking this particular geographic pun, Weekly Playboy chose to put a more lowbrow spin on its headline by writing “5マンコ. . . が大炎上!!” (5 c**ts in huge conflagration). It seems that while “fifty thousand pieces” is pronounced goman ko, the male ear is wont to automatically alter the intonation to go manko — making for an entirely different nuance.

Could this blaze, WP asks tongue in cheek, have been an insidious act of sexual sabotage to put a damper on the libidos of tens of thousands of Japanese males?

“No,” came the deadpan reply. “The fire was caused when machinery in the factory overheated.”

And unfortunately as the synthetic vaginas were composed of high-grade silicone, they proved particularly vulnerable.

So distressed was a gent involved in the venture that he tells the magazine that he’s suffered from constant diarrhea since the January 14 disaster.

“The people at the factory were also distraught,” he adds. “But I heard they’re working on development of a new vagina modeled after Zhang Xiaoyu, who’s one of China’s most famous nude models. Oh man, if we can pull this one off…,” he says, rolling his eyes in anticipation of a flood of new orders.

The next issue of Dynamite is due on the stands April 15. Instead of a synthetic vagina, its readers will have to be content with a free container of skin lubricant.

What a pity this ambitious project flopped, Playboy sighs, sticking in yet another pun. It purposely alters 沈没 chinbotsu, meaning “sink” to “チン没,” which in this context could be loosely translated as “penis not used.”

Source: “Chugoku Fukken-sho de 5 manko no ona hooru ga daienjo!” Weekly Playboy (Mar. 8, page 169)