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Innovative ‘Hole Warmer’ keeps cold cooze cozy

Hole warmer
Hole warmer
In the realm of the senses, female frigidity is a recurrent concern. But Nikkan Gendai (Feb. 25) finds sympathy with those who rely on adult sex aids for their love life — which is often accompanied by a completely different type of frigidity.

Take “Mr. J,” an unmarried 41-year-old Tokyo office worker whose sole means of release involves solitary sexual stimulation.

“J” happens to be a connoisseur of commercial products supplied for this purpose, which are referred to in local parlance as “onani holes.” They are reasonably priced, and “J” plays the field, supplementing his collection with a new acquisition at the rate of about one every two months.

“But the damn things are cold!” he shivers. “I guess that should be obvious, since they’re not alive. Poke in your pecker and chills run down your spine!”

Now at long last, a maker of artificial muffs has devised a solution to the shame and discomfort of sub-arctic self-abuse. Tenga Co., Japan’s leading manufacturer of hi-tech sex aids — and whose staff member Masanobu Sato limped away with top honors at the 7th Masturbate-A-Thon last May 25 in San Francisco — has come up with the Hole Warmer, an elongated device designed to preheat synthetic vaginas in preparation for the main event.

“J” ran right out and purchased one; and now he swears by it.

“All you do is insert the warmer and it heats any type of onani hole — except maybe something really huge — to body temperature. I’ll lubricate mine with heated lotion and ohhhh, it’s just like a meiki (organ of great renown).

“Definitely feels better than a hooker’s at some sex shop,” he insists, with a satisfied smirk.

Tenga’s Hole Warmer does not incorporate a power supply; its heat-transfer element is brought up to steam, so to speak, either by immersion in boiling water or by nuking it in a microwave oven.

The Hole Warmer sells for about 3,980 yen. Get one guys, and keep your ersatz merkin warm and perkin’. (K.S.)

Source: “Onahooru wo atatameru ‘meiki’ wo yori tanoshimeru,” Nikkan Gendai, Feb. 25, Page 23

Note: Brief extracts from Japanese vernacular media in the public domain that appear here were translated and summarized under the principle of “fair use.” Every effort has been made to ensure accuracy of the translations. However, we are not responsible for the veracity of their contents. The activities of individuals described herein should not be construed as “typical” behavior of Japanese people nor reflect the intention to portray the country in a negative manner. Our sole aim is to provide examples of various types of reading matter enjoyed by Japanese.