Press "Enter" to skip to content

Rumored ED exam likely to rub male patients the wrong way

Nikkan Gendai Nov. 6
Nikkan Gendai Nov. 6
It was simply impossible to ignore a story with the headline, “If you go to a doctor for Viagra, will your penis get wanked by a nurse?”

This installment appears in a new series in Nikkan Gendai (Nov. 6) titled “False or True?” Think of it as an update of “Everything you always wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask.”

It seems, the tabloid reports, a rumor has been circulating that men who visit physicians to request a prescription for the popular erectile dysfunction medication are required have their condition certified in a most peculiar manner. This involves entering a cubicle with a nurse, who will slather lotion on their procreative member and manually attempt to burp their one-eyed worm.

Now before you scramble for the phone number of your friendly neighborhood urologist to request an appointment comes the bad news: the nurse who performs this “examination” will be male.

That’s enough to give ED to any red-blooded heterosexual male.

It also raises another valid question: Are hand jobs covered by medical insurance?

“The whole thing’s complete hogwash — a made-up story,” a journalist who covers the medical profession reassures the writer.

Actually says the source, Pfizer’s baby blue virility vitamins will be dispensed by the doc merely upon a consultation, with no touchy-feely examinations involved.

“I think makers of rival nonprescription tonics or elixirs started circulating the rumor of compulsory penis massages around 1998, when they first perceived a threat from Viagra,” the journalist adds. “Then after that the rumor began making the rounds.”

He added that about 70 percent of the ED “medications” currently being used in Japan are estimated to be pirated varieties. (K.S.)

Source: “Baiagura wo morai ni iku to, kangofu ni penis wo shigokareru?,” Nikkan Gendai (Nov. 6, page 20)