Rumor in Japan debunked: Killing me softly with his schlong

Jitsuwa Knuckles December
Jitsuwa Knuckles December

Rumor in some quarters has it that a couple bent on muri shinju (love suicide) can shuffle off this mortal coil by means of crazed, consensual coitus.

In other words, literally f**king each other to death.

A loving couple’s motivation for such an act would be through the fervent desire “to be together alive, together while dying and together even after death.”

To get this right, the couple would presumably need to experience simultaneous — or as near as they can get to simultaneous — death throes. And as the ultimate achievement of passionate passing-on, it should happen with the genitals still in a position of penetration, with the two partners emulating an ailing internal combustion engine that seizes, freezes and breaks down, emanating its death rattle in the form of smoke fumes from the radiator.

The above, alas, turns out to be no more than one of “20 rumors that are ruining Japan,” and subculture monthly Jitsuwa Knuckles (December) sets out to debunk this particularly pernicious urban legend.

“Following death, the conditions by which a corpse undergoes rigor mortis and begins to putrefy will vary, depending on the individual and the environment,” a German forensic scholar identified only as “Guenter” is quoted as saying. “In other words, no matter how much a couple may be devoted to each other, once they expire, they have no control over any subsequent changes in their bodies.

“A man’s virile member in particular is likely to lose any firmness, even more quickly than changes in a female,” Guenter points out. “All other factors being equal, putrefaction is likely to take longer when death occurs among people in their prime. Also, it is known that a woman’s vagina — the place where birth occurs — retains its shape until the very end.

“Perhaps I’m the only one who finds this to be quite remarkable,” he adds.

In any event, no matter how ‘hard’ you try, the magazine asserts, suicide by sex just isn’t possible. (K.S.)

Source: “Fukujoshi shinju wa fukano datta!” Jitsuwa Knuckles (December, page 93)

Note: Brief extracts from Japanese vernacular media in the public domain that appear here were translated and summarized under the principle of “fair use.” Every effort has been made to ensure accuracy of the translations. However, we are not responsible for the veracity of their contents. The activities of individuals described herein should not be construed as “typical” behavior of Japanese people nor reflect the intention to portray the country in a negative manner. Our sole aim is to provide examples of various types of reading matter enjoyed by Japanese.

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