Marriage counselor advises concerned parents to help their sonny boy get laid

Marriage School
“The Marriage School”

A seminar, on the theme of “The Current Marriage Situation in Japan,” was held at an auditorium on the campus of a national university. The attendees were several dozen male and female participants ranging in age from their 40s to their 60s.

The real reason people attended, reports Nikkan Gendai (Nov. 30), is that they want to commiserate on why their children seem unable to find a marriage partner.

The guest speaker, marriage consultant Hiromi Ikeuchi, doesn’t pull any punches.

“It might be presumptuous of me to say this, but you parents also bear responsibility for why your children are unable to marry,” she says.

The reason, explains Ikeuchi, is that parents from Japan’s postwar baby boomer generation — and particularly the mothers — have not been fulfilling their proper roles.

For example, mothers look back on their own married life, and then tell their sons, “You’ve got to be generous to women,” and so on.

“This encourages the sons to behave as an ideal male according to the feminist viewpoint,” Ikeuchi says. “This naturally makes them bluster with a false show of power. Twenty years later, we can see the results of this type of upbringing.”

Upon hearing Ikeuchi’s salvo, a gloom descended over the members of the audience.

Ikeuchi’s latest book, “Kekkon no Gakko” (The Marriage School) is due to be published by Gentosha next month. In it, she recommends premarital sex. Her view is based on consultations with numerous flustered brides, who complained their grooms either had no interest in sex at all, or else demanded the brides consent to “letting the husband ejaculate on their face, or insist they suck him dry.”

Inexperience may be the main cause of such attitudes. According to reports by one government organization, one unmarried man in four has never experienced sex.

“Males today are raised by overbearing, overprotective parents,” Ikeuchi continues. “These ‘helicopter parents’ are constantly hovering over their sons, and boys aren’t able to learn about sexual practices on their own, in a natural way. Or even when they do, they get a rather late start. This is why they have trouble getting rid of their virginity at the right age.”

“My son, a systems engineer, still seems to be a virgin even though he’s already 35,” a man in the audience tells Ikeuchi. “When I was a college student, my seniors took me to a soapland (erotic bathhouse) to get me laid.”

But because of the weakening of interpersonal relationships in Japan, those sorts of educational escapades are vanishing.

“So now the fathers’ roles in helping their sons to have adventures is being subject to question,” points out Ikeuchi, who advises, “One way is overcome the problem is for a father to recruit one of his younger company subordinates, or a relative, such as a cousin, who can speak to the son frankly and openly.”

“A man about 10 years older ought to be just right,” Ikuchi says.

Source: “Anata no musuko ga kekkon dekinai no wa,’dotei’ dakara da!” Nikkan Gendai (Nov. 30, page 12)

Note: Brief extracts from Japanese vernacular media in the public domain that appear here were translated and summarized under the principle of “fair use.” Every effort has been made to ensure accuracy of the translations. However, we are not responsible for the veracity of their contents. The activities of individuals described herein should not be construed as “typical” behavior of Japanese people nor reflect the intention to portray the country in a negative manner. Our sole aim is to provide examples of various types of reading matter enjoyed by Japanese.

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  1. The usual bull. People try to blame feminism and women for all kinds of things here in America, too, but countries where women have more rights don’t usually statistically have citizens with lacking sex lives.

    Ikeuchi was trying to sound smart and find someone to blame, but she has no proof.

    • Absolutely. Reactionary drivel longing for the “gold old days.” The simple fact is that marriage isn’t right for a lot of people, and it isn’t necessary for a lot of others. When women have a chance to be independent and make a living on their own, they often chose to avoid it. I don’t blame them!

      • I don’t know how much time you’ve spent alongside Japanese culture or Japan’s inhabitants but the amount of women who desire to get married and live out the life of a “housewife” is surprisingly high. I’ve had several Japanese female friends who, at parties, would come onto the topic and state that they hope to find a good husband, or become a housewife. One of my part-time co-workers told me the exact same thing not too long ago with the reason “Because then I can be around the house and take it easy.” I can understand how they’d be attracted by a way of living where they don’t have to do a lot though, I do enjoy myself some lazy time every now and then after all.

    • “but countries where women have more rights don’t usually statistically have citizens with lacking sex lives.”

      There’s a tradition and culture in Japan that goes way back, they came out of the world trading isolation just some 200 years back, 200 years before that they hadn’t even been discovered yet. That tradition and culture is linked to how they behave, there’s not some general rule to apply here.

      Ikeuchi may not have much backing her statements other than her sessions with people and one or two surveys, but her insight into Japanese culture is far more widespread than any of us can claim, especially in the marriage department of Japan.

      This isn’t to generalize and say that no one in Japan enjoys casual sex, they do, but if my experience and conversations are anything to judge from it’s not like it is in America or even Sweden where I’m from.

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