Look ma, no hands: Japanese cyber wanker makes debut

There was a young man from Racine,

And was perfectly easy to clean.

Thanks to the wonders of modern electronics, self-abuse has truly come a long way.

Weekly Playboy (July 6) reports an outfit named SunWorld Inc. has developed what might be described as the ultimate masturbation machine. This amazing device, sold as an ensemble called SOMCON, requires neither physical exertion nor imagination on the part of the practitioner, as both are provided.

Once your SOMCON is plugged in and you’re all squared away, you can truly say, “Look mom — no hands!”

The weekly got one of its junior reporters, a chap named Yano, to take the male version of SOMCON out for a test drive. The system consists of a motorized driving device with a rubber cylinder that grips the shaft of the man’s penis and makes vertical pumping motions simulating a fist. By connecting the unit to a personal computer, the user can watch the close-up image of a AV actress whose movements are synchronized to the speed of the hand pump.

“Taking my time, I smeared my musuko with lotion, slipped it into the cylinder, and flipped on the switch,” writes Yano. “The pump indeed did move at the same speed as the woman shown giving a hand job on the monitor, varying from gentle rubs to vigorous yanks, with pauses in between. I was truly impressed!”

Unfortunately, Yano noted, the device was not without its problems.

“Just as I began to thrust my hips and felt like coming, the machine stopped moving,” he complains. “I couldn’t get the timing right, to synchronize my own pleasure with the motion of the machine.”

In addition to the near impossibility of simultaneous orgasm, Yano was also dissatisfied with the paltry selections of females bundled with the software.

In the end, he wound up burping his one-eyed worm in the tried-and-true traditional manner.

“We are in the process of refining the product to respond to more personalized needs,” SOMCON’s developer is quoted as saying, adding that negotiations are under way with an adult video distributor for a wider selection of pre-installed software.

SOMCON is currently sold only from its Web site, but from around July, they will also be stocked at adult sex aids shops. The complete ensemble of hardware and software retails for 64,950 yen, but more affordable models are available, for both male and female users. (K.S.)

Source: “Ero doga no pisuton sokudo to rendo. Kenkyoku onamashiin no jitsuryoku wo taiken!” Weekly Playboy (July 6, page 171)

Note: Brief extracts from Japanese vernacular media in the public domain that appear here were translated and summarized under the principle of “fair use.” Every effort has been made to ensure accuracy of the translations. However, we are not responsible for the veracity of their contents. The activities of individuals described herein should not be construed as “typical” behavior of Japanese people nor reflect the intention to portray the country in a negative manner. Our sole aim is to provide examples of various types of reading matter enjoyed by Japanese.

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